A Heart of Unforgiveness
Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.
Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
Have you ever seen a wild animal trapped in a cage? That’s an image of unforgiveness. Like an animal who can’t break free from the temporary prison it was never intended for, so too can we become trapped in a cage of anger, resentment, bitterness, or hate toward someone who has harmed us. And sometimes we even struggle to forgive ourselves. So how do we break free from this cage? The key is forgiveness.
Forgiveness is not just a single decision, it’s a process and a way of life, and it is essential for our emotional and spiritual well-being. Although it’s not easy, forgiveness can eventually bring a peace to the soul that we long for. Likewise, forgiveness unlocks the door to deep joy that only Christ can give.
Therapeutically, it has become part of my practice when working with those struggling with depression, in particular, to assess for unforgiveness. It has been my experience that many times, where there is depression, you will find unforgiveness at some level. Forgiveness work is a process that takes effort and intentionality on the part of the person wanting healing and freedom in their life. It is a day-to-day process with God of releasing the offender. Some may quickly say, “I have forgiven,” thinking that a one-time decision to forgive is all they need to do, but they soon find out that their heart is still at war. True healing requires time, patience, and a daily rhythm of releasing the offense to God until the heart feels free once again.
Interestingly, a Harvard study about depression and forgiveness by Dr. Tyler VanderWeele from the Initiative on Health, Religion, and Spirituality at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health says, “Practicing forgiveness can have powerful health benefits. Observational studies, and even some randomized trials, suggest that forgiveness is associated with lower levels of depression, anxiety, and hostility; reduced substance abuse; higher self-esteem; and greater life satisfaction.”
Many in the therapeutic community would say the healthiest people are those who learn how to forgive as offenses come their way, not allowing those offenses to grow, causing more bitterness and anger toward themselves or others. In order to protect and guard our heart and keep it healthy while living in this imperfect world, our heart requires proper care. Forgiveness is the key to heart health. As our Scripture states, the heart is “the source of life,” and that includes our spiritual and emotional health.
I firmly believe our relationships are as healthy as we are individually. The healthiest people don’t hold a grudge. Why? Because you can’t guard or protect your heart and hold a grudge at the same time. Forgiveness keeps the heart healthy.
*Excerpt from “Faith Love Forgiveness” by Susan Goss